Meddlers
by Onionbreath002
Summary: Pent and Louise dabble in the art of matchmaking, only to have it end in disaster.


Charlie: I'm bored, and my friend was bored… so she asked me to write more… so here's a random one shot.

Oh and by the way, Fourteen Days isn't dead, I'm the one who's dead… but after finals…and competition, and all that jazz, I should be fine. (Should).

Uhm… I really don't know what I want to write about at this point, I'm just horribly bored… so here's an improvise.

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Meddlers

"Are we there yet!"

"NO WE ARE NOT THERE! SO KEEP YOUR BLOODY MOUTH SHUT! THESE BLOODY HORSES CAN'T GO MUCH FASTER!"

Serra huffed at Erk's loud, and rightfully so, out burst at her question, that she asked the fiftieth time in the last fifteen minutes. The other occupants in the wagon were so used to the outbursts by now that nobody really cared, or even took note of the minutely skirmishes he purple haired mage had with the pink haired cleric.

By "other occupants," the author means Pent and Louise, who initially disapproved of their young adoptive son's outbursts, but eventually just became numb to it all.

Their wagon rolled along some non-descript dirt road in the middle of Lycian territory. They weren't exactly sure which state they were in, nor did they care. All three of the four occupants wanted to do was to get to Etruria so they can hand off their boisterous passenger and move on with their lives. Serra however, devoted every waking moment of the journey to satisfy her every whim and need, usually at the expense of the other passengers.

Erk, being the youngest (not including Serra, since obviously she was obviously the queen of the wagon), was given the arduous task of driving, which also meant he was the object of Serra's displeasure on this fine day. Pent and Louise, glad for some time away from their demanding "package" (as the suits in Etruria called her), rested together near the back of the wagon.

However, despite Serra's constant nagging, Erk's words do hold true. The bloody horses can't really go much faster than the group is going without killing the poor animals. So, the day dragged on and the group tumbled along. Now, on such trips back in the day, there was little for the passengers to do. Pent and Louise, though they enjoyed each other's company, was soon bored out of their wits at staring at the same unchanging landscape of Lycia's countryside.

Though the author would like to deny it, there is a tendency for bored people to do crazy, impulsive and sometimes dangerous and suicidal things. For some people, they try out stunts that would win them a Darwin award. Others like to write random stories or draw really interesting pictures, and then, there are those who like to meddle in business that is none of their own. Pent and Louise, unfortunately, preferred the last whenever they got bored.

Now, the group has been traveling to Etruria from some small church at the Lycian/Bern border. The trip should take a month or two at least. And now, in the halfway point, three weeks in, Pent and Louise were convince that their young protégée and the lovely, yet boisterous cleric were madly in love. Really how, why or what medicine drove them to believe this to be true, nobody really knows. But we do know that by the end of three weeks, the couple was convinced that love was in the air.

Now, meddling takes many forms. There are the good, typically seen in Scooby Doo cartoons where the villains plot for embezzlement or kidnapping is foiled by a group of meddling kids and their dog. There's the flat out annoying king of meddling where you find your typical blonde ditz spilling out every god-forsaken rumor that hits the planet for the public to hear. Then there's the dangerous and sometimes lethal form of meddling most people like to call "matchmaking."

Needless to say, our lovely Mage General and his wife decided, at that moment, in a spurious moment of absolute boredom, to match their protégée with the beautiful, delightful, young, "ARE WE THERE YET!" cleric, Serra, and to make matters worse, they knew full well that, teacher or not, Erk would not hesitate to murder Pent and Louise in cold blood if he ever got ANY hint of their meddling, not to mention the obvious distaste young Erk had for Serra. Yet despite these setbacks, Pent and Louise decided to pull off their plan… that involved a lot of candles, flowers, screaming, and a heavy dose of Ilian Rum.

Alas, as the plan formed in their minds that fateful afternoon, little did our meddlers know that their actions would change the course of many lives, and even history itself. YES! The events of that night would forever be known to the residents of the hamlet the group stayed at, as the Night of a Reckoning. Why the night was known as such, nobody really knows. All historians are a little touched in the head anyways.

The Night of a Reckoning as it would later, at the questioning of the common folk, be known as, started out as a peaceful, calm evening. The little hamlet was on the far edge of Ostia's territory and was known to its residents as "home," outsiders as "…that little…tiny place with the pretty innkeeper," and its founders as "Sunnyvale." But nobody nowadays knows the town's name, and nobody really cares about it with its population of a little over two hundred people.

At approximately 6:30 PM West Lycia Standard Time, the wagon pulled into the Sunnyvale Inn, and the weary travelers, especially Erk, who endured a ceaseless barrage of verbal abuse from the cleric, disembarked and practically begged the innkeeper for three rooms, one each for Serra, Erk and the couple, Pent and Louise. The young innkeeper, Serena, along with her sisters Jessica and Melissa were delighted to have visitors, since usually their clientele consisted of old drunk men, or young, dorky hopefuls attempting to snag a date with one of the lovely sisters. Little did people know, Jessica the eldest sister was through with men for a while, the middle sister Serena had a man in her life already, and the youngest one, Melissa is merely one summer past her tenth. But personal lives aside; the sisters were nevertheless delighted to have guests staying at their inn, albeit one was loud and rancorous, one dark, moody and snappy, and the other two mysterious and conspiratorial, and quickly showed the guests their rooms.

Now, the night was still young, as when the final paperwork was done and the guests reached their rooms, the time was merely thirty minutes past the nineteenth hour post meridian. However, Erk, having suffered an entire day of abuse, both physical and verbal, shut himself in his room and refused to emerge until the following day, or so he had hoped. Serra, being her normal snotty self, demanded an entire troupe of servants and desired the largest suite in the inn, which the sisters complied to immediately, fearing that her claims to the throne of Elibe were possibly true.

As for Pent and Louise, well, as I mentioned, the night was still young… and for a pair of minds like theirs… a conspiratorial matchmaking scheme was not difficult to pull off.

The actual plot that night initiated at 8:00 PM WLST. The first step in any conspiracy is to form a cartel. Pent and Louise's first steps obviously, is to gain the awareness and support of the staff members. At the inn at such a low-end hamlet, the entire staff consisted of three people. Serena, Melissa, and Jessica. Melissa, being eleven summers old, would be long put to bed by the time the actual plot is pulled. Serena and Jessica, excited at the prospect of some humorous events, agreed wholeheartedly to go along with Pent and Louise's insane plot.

Thirty minutes later, Melissa was put to bed, and the plot commenced.

Among the group, it is well known that Serra must have her daily bath every night at exactly 8:45 PM, and her bathing would not end for a good hour. During that time, it is also known that Erk would take the opportunity to take his meals and get some fresh air, before retreating again to his room to avoid the pink haired devil. Tonight was no exception.

Serra left her room for the baths at exactly 8:45 PM, as usual. Two minutes later, Erk shuffled out of his room, looking slightly refreshed and in a new change of clothes. He worked his way to the bar and asked Jessica if there was anything to eat. As planned, Jessica gave Erk his meal, along with a few glasses of juice, laced with the most potent alcohol available at the inn. (Much to Louise's displeasure. Though Erk may not be her trueborn son, he still is like one to her. No mother would want to see her child getting horribly drunk.) Five glasses later, Erk could barely tell his left foot from his right index finger, as he stumbled about the room, knocking over chairs and stools while mumbling random events from his childhood. 9:12 PM. Thirty minutes and change left

The alcohol had also sedated Erk to a point where his movements and feelings were dulled. At this point, Serena and Louise both on cue jumped out and helped support the horribly drunk man up to a room. Serra's room. 9:26 PM. Fifteen minutes and change left.

Once inside, Erk was thrown onto the soft bed and he immediately fell asleep. Louise and Serena would emerge a bit later smiling triumphantly, and carrying most of Erk's clothing. 9:42 PM. Three minutes and counting.

At quarter 'till 10, Serra walked briskly to her room after a nice long refreshing soak in the baths. The first thing she noticed when she walked in was the lighting. In place of the three torch staves that lit the room quite brightly, was dozens of think incense candles that perfumed the room with a sweet scent and cast a dim glow.

Then she noticed the over-abundance of rose petals on the ground, another detail she knew didn't exist when she left for the bath an hour past.

Finally, she noticed a rather unclad Erk, the three weeks of wagon driving doing his muscles good, lying on her bed. Definitely wasn't there when she left the room.

Now, despite her clerical vows, Serra was still a young woman. And no matter how hard she tries; her hormones do affect her body in certain ways that gives her a funny feeling at the pit of her stomach. She stood there for a few minutes, as her conscious and subconscious battled it out. Her will against her desires. Her clerical vows against her urge to jump the delicious mage in front of her.

What happened next, nobody could've predicted. Serra, unbeknownst to her, has a nervous habit, especially when she's contemplating. She, like many people, likes to pace. Unfortunately, the room was quite packed with candles, and most of them balanced precariously. Serra, in her confused, and sexually aroused state, did not bother to be careful as she paced, and the inevitable occurred. Candles were knocked over, and her entire room was set ablaze.

Now, normally, a calm person would attempt to wake the sleeping man on the bed, and/or assist him in escaping to the nearest exit. Serra, was far from being a calm rational person, even when she's not confused. Her reaction was to run around like a headless chicken before bolting out the door, leaving the sleeping Erk to a seemingly fiery doom.

The inn was a small four story wooden building. A blaze is easily detected and obviously, with the small group being the only occupants, the building was quickly evacuated, or so people thought. Louise was the first to notice that neither Erk nor Serra were out, leaving her to believe that they were both trapped in the inferno.

Nobody was quite prepared for the next sight as a stark naked Serra, clutching only a towel to partially block her private external organs, ran out screaming like a scared pig. She immediately received quite a lot of catcalls and an extra long blanket to cover up better. Louise, after not seeing Erk also run out like Serra, soon became scared and suspicious. The possibilities filled her head as to what could've gone on between the two in that room, and explanations as to why Erk still hasn't shown up danced in her brain, each being more morbid than the last.

At this point, Erk awoke with a pounding headache, to face a blazing inferno in front of him. He also noticed his rather lack of clothing and foreign room. Now, a man, normally after waking up from a hard drink, can barely put one and one together. However, once a life is on the line (especially his own) that man will find the hangover just a mere tickle. Erk found himself in such a situation.

As Erk contemplated his escape plans, or watched his life flash before his eyes, nobody really knows which, Louise was threatening every able-bodied men with violent and gruesome deaths if they didn't do anything to help her adoptive son. The men, faced with the possibility of having their entrails ripped out of their guts with a sharp comb, quickly took action. Unfortunately, for a small town, they had limited resources, and wound up resorting to carrying buckets of water to and from the well to the blaze.

At this moment, Erk realized his chances for survival had dropped to basically zero, save for one crazy, and suicidal plan that would either save him, or kill him faster. Realizing he had basically nothing to lose, Erk braced himself, and leaped out the window from the fourth floor.

At that exact moment, Pent dug up his old Fimbulvetr Tome and began launching mounds of ice into the inferno. Unfortunately, Erk was neither a ghost nor did he know anything about midair dodging, and was pelted with a barrage of icy snow crystals, all the way down his plunge to the solid rock ground.

Three minutes after Erk hit the ground, the building collapsed behind him leaving nothing but a pile of wood burning out.

Though Erk survived the ordeal, and Pent and Louise never EVER played matchmaker again, the image of the naked falling mage out of the naked cleric's room burned into the minds of the citizenry present that night forever. As time passed, tales of the night grew, and spun as the events were embellished. Accomplishments were extended. People were elevated to hero status. And above all, various tales about Serra and Erk's baby were spun.

However, the truth was, in the end, nothing happened. Serra decided to go to Ostia instead of Etruria, and Erk was assigned her guard. Along the way, they would get dragged into a blood dispute between Lord Lundgren and a Sacae born Lycian Princess. The rest as they say is history.

Two years later, they would defeat Nergal and save Elibe from near destruction.

One year after that the two would wed and produce a beautiful daughter, who would grow to be a rather balanced intermediate between her mother and her father.

Yet despite the heroism they displayed in defeating Nergal and a fire dragon. Despite their long winding road to romance and the beautiful child they produced later. Despite all the hardships they've been through to keep calamity from befalling those they cared about and those who they knew were innocent…

Erk and Serra will never be remembered for those deeds.

Instead, in the little hamlet known to 200 as home, 4 as Sunnyvale, and many as "that tiny town with the pretty innkeepers," Erk and Serra will always be remembered for the one hectic night they spent, and caused 100,000 gold pieces worth of property damage.

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Again, when people get bored, they get dangerous. This has been a collaboration work between me (I think most of you know me) and Serena. For those of you who don't know… Serena is Link015 (Chris)'s girlfriend. We were just bored beyond our wits because Chris was on to entertain her. Anyways. Enjoy. 


End file.
